One of the most common struggles I see in my therapy practice is around boundaries — identifying them, communicating them, and holding them when you get a negative response.
Whether it’s with family, friends, co-workers, or partners, a lack of boundaries can leave you feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and resentful.
The good news? Boundaries are a skill. You can learn to set them with clarity and compassion and without feeling like a bad person.
What Are Boundaries, Really?
Boundaries are not walls. They’re the healthy limits that protect your energy, time, and emotional wellbeing. They define what’s okay and what’s not okay for you in relationships.
1. Know Your Limits
Start by paying attention to how you feel in your interactions with people. If you often feel resentful, overextended, or drained, that’s a sign a boundary is missing or needs adjusting.
Ask yourself:
- Where am I saying yes when I mean no?
- What situations leave me feeling drained?
- What do I need more of ,or less of, in my relationships?
2. Communicate Clearly
Creating better boundaries is about sharing what you want and need. It might be that you just need to communicate this with a small statement such as;
- “I’m not available to help with that this week.”
- “I’d rather not discuss that right now.”
- “I need some time alone to recharge.”
It might be bigger than that and that’s where therapy can help to support you in working through what you need to change and how to do that
3. It might feel tough but it’s worth it!
Some people may react negatively when you start holding boundaries, especially if they’re used to you always being available. That’s normal, people don’t often like change but it’s not a sign you’re doing something wrong. Keep reinforcing the message of what you need until it becomes the normal.
4. Healthy Boundaries Improve Relationships
Contrary to the fear many people have, boundaries don’t push people away — they actually create space for more respectful, authentic connections. People can’t respect and meet your needs if they don’t know what they are!
You may want to check what other people need as part of the conversation too!
5. You’re Allowed to Evolve
As your needs change, so will your boundaries. That’s part of healthy growth as you move and grow through life. Give yourself permission to reassess what feels right for you and look after your needs.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If you’re struggling with boundaries, you don’t have to figure it all out alone.
Interested in one-on-one therapy?
I offer compassionate therapy for individuals looking to build stronger boundaries, reduce burnout, and reconnect with their sense of self.
Contact me for further information
Want a self-paced way to build better boundaries?
Check out my online course: “Holding your boundaries” — a practical, step-by-step program to help you set clear limits and protect your time and energy.
Explore the course here →
Remember: Boundaries are not selfish. You are allowed to take up space, say no, and choose what’s right for you.
Get in touch today 